Be A Man

Be a man.

Be loud and obnoxious to everyone around you.

Be loud enough where it'll cost you your job if the wrong person hears you.

Be vulgar and inappropriate without consideration for others.

Be degrading to your co-workers and friends, then throw a fit when they return the favor.

Be daring enough to date a woman for just one reason, rather than dating her because you like her as a whole.

Be unsure of whether you want to get married or not, but fuck it, you're engaged anyway.

Be forcing your lifestyle on other people even if they were perfect the way they are.

Be hypocritical without ever realizing it by getting onto everyone else and their sister for what you yourself were just doing.

Be intimidating until someone actually steps up to prove how you are, then back down and claim you were just kidding.

Be open that you want everyone to like you and yet act like a jackass in front of them.

If this is what being a man is about,
then count me out.

Heart of Gold

I used to have a heart of gold.

It wasn’t anything special; it didn’t have diamonds or rubies or pearls encrusted into it, it wasn’t on a silver stand for all to see, and it didn’t have etchings of Greek goddesses or ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics detailing epic battles.

In fact, I dare to say that even the most influential jewelers of our time would have looked upon it and sneered in disgust, offended that this “ugly mishapened mound”would even be in the same continent as their priceless works of art.

But it was my heart, and I was proud of the fact that it was simple, that it didn’t need jewels or embellishments for me to appreciate it.

So I showed it off every chance I could by helping people when I thought they really needed it, not disrespecting others even when I should have, and being a gentleman to anyone who deserved it.

I thought I was doing the right thing.

But I was wrong.

Girls abused my generosity and took small pieces of gold from me any chance they could, even stealing it if they had to.

People who felt that I shouldn’t have anything good in life threw dust and mud all over what was left, tarnishing it in the process.

“Friends” whom I’d been loyal to the whole time I’d known them stabbed me in the back, scratching and denting it to where it looked horrible.

Family who should have supported me through it all instead doused it with gasoline, saying I’d deserved what was happening.

And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the one soul I swore would always keep me sane and never do me wrong abandoned me at the moment I needed them the most, throwing a lit match behind them as they did so.

The match ended up engulfing my heart in flames, melting the last bits of gold away, and turning what was left to ashes.

Now, if you were to ask what I had, I wouldn’t be able to tell you.

Tee remains have since been washed away by my tears of self-degradation, my beliefs finally matching the truth that others have known for years, that I am not worthy of even the ugliest of the precious stones and gracious metals that occur naturally in our daily lives.

Some people ask for that caring sould they once knew to come back, either because they miss the smiles I had or because they want to take advantage of me further.

But how am I supposed to be compassionate and kind when the thing that made me so has been destroyed by the very people who now want those same traits to return?

And I can’t use someone else’s, because it was made for them, not me, and everyone else has fancier and much more elaborate types than I ever had, made of all kinds of materials.

Stronger metals like steel, titanium, and platinum.

Gemstones like sapphires, emeralds, and amethysts.

Designs like poker card symbols, astrological signs, and loved ones’ names.

I was never worthy of things like that before.

And I never will be again.

I used to have a heart of gold.

Now, I don’t even have that.

Because I’m not worth it.

Heartless

We are taught all our lives that being heartless is one of the worst qualities to have.

Being selfish, not caring about how others feel, retreating to loneliness, insulting everyone...these are considered by many to be negative traits, and we're not supposed to give in to these kinds of behaviors.

Why, then, do the heartless ever succeed in the first place?

Selfish people raise the prices on all our necessities under the false pretenses of supply and demand when they're just making more money.

Politicians insult their peers for simply having a different opinnion to get into their comfy jobs, then, once they're in office, ignore the very people who put them there in the first place so they can do whatever they want.

Loners like Adolf Hitler and Osama bin Laden influence and inspire unwarranted change in ways the most social among us cannot even begin to fathom.

Yet the heartless are seen as 'weaker' than the rest of us because they don't have love or compassion. Well not for nothing, but when was the last time either one of them done people in general ANY good?

Certainly not in my case.

The way life has rewarded those who are willing to say "screw feeling anything", it's akin to being part of Organization XIII. Does it suck not being able to feel love or joy or sadness? Kinda, but the rewards are outweighing the detriments these days.

I'm not heartless yet.

But I'm getting there.

And when I do...

Be scared.